A Big Mess of Words (Maybe A Point Or Two)

It all begins somewhere. That's sort of how the saying goes. I think.

The people in our lives that shape the people we all become. The events that take place that either lift us up or destroy us almost totally. I don't believe I've ever had the audacity to claim that my life was shit. Unless it was in the throes of some teenage angst-ridden hissy fit. Yeah, I had those. Hard to believe, I know.

30 years of average. Not spectacular, not depressing. Just. Average. With the exception of a 5 year stretch that I may or may not describe at a later date, I've never gone without anything. Food, love, shelter, or a shirt on my back. I don't have "The Best Parents Ever", but I absolutely adore them and I do have a fantastic relationship with them.

I kind of have to since they allowed me to move back in. Again. With two children. Why? Because as usual, I failed at something. I could cry and get snot all over myself while wallowing in self pity, but the truth is - I made horrible choices. My parents taught me better, but I thought I knew better.

So 30 years old - one failed marriage, one HUGE MISTAKE of a long term relationship, two adorable children later - and I'm back in this 822 square foot house with two unbelievably forgiving and loving people. Am I happy here? Well I'm not satisfied, but I understand that things take time.

This economy is what's depressing. I do work full time, and I do have benefits. The healthcare system that runs the hospital I work in recently filed for bankruptcy. Or as Buzzy the CEO likes to call it - "Financial Reorganization". Loosely translated to - "Lie to the people, reduce their pay and remove as many perks as possible. Watch them drop like flies. When the ones who can't quit their job don't - we'll dissolve the unions and fire the rest!".

It hasn't gone that far, but I'm expecting it to. The moral of THAT story is - there's no place to move to, as anything that is vacant is far more than the average single mother can afford to pay - and STILL put food on the table, gas in the car, and pay for child care. I voted for Obama. I had (and still have) high hopes for this new administration that I believe in. However, I'm not sure how long we can sustain ourselves while we wait for good news. A positive move in the right direction.

And if this new health care reform begins? Yeah - yours truly will be out of a job within six months. Electronic medical record keeping. I work in Health Informations Management - i.e. Medical Record Clerk. If this thing goes electronic, I'll be there long enough to scan shit then I'll be gone. They'll only need 3 people to run it.

Fuck.

30 years old is not too old to begin college again.